15 Best Mike Wazowski Quotes You’ll Love

Here Are the Best Mike Wazowski Quotes!
“Mike Wazowski” by Steven Miller licensed under CC BY 2.0

Mike Wazowski from “Monsters, Inc” is  half of an iconic duo who takes pride in his comedic ability. While he’s short on stature, he’s big on talent and ego. Brought to life by the colorful Billy Crystal, here are some of the best Mike Wazowski quotes that will make you fall in love with the little eyeball all over again.

The Best Mike Wazowski Quotes

“You know, if you’re going to prank someone, the least you can do is think of something clever.”

Mike, as a college student, delivers this line in the “Monsters University” trailer after he walks out of his dorm room into a wild party – with mirrors glued onto his body. (Talk about a rude awakening). Is he wrong for saying this? Absolutely not.

There’s an art to pranking which covers pranks themselves and being pranked, and the monster is no greenhorn when it comes to anything comedic. You can hear Mike cover the irritation in his voice with a layer of snark as he confronts Sulley, the perpetrator, over how his “prank” isn’t up to snuff.

Which only makes it funnier when the monsters turn out the light and begin to dance while someone shines a light on Mike. Poor guy’s cluelessness sells the entire scene.

“Hahaha, you’ve been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal.”

The opening of “Monsters, Inc.” is memorable not only for introducing Mike and Sulley, but for organically introducing the tone of their friendship. Walking to work, the two rag on each other as Mikey rides his high of being on television. After Sulley says the only place Mikey’s face may be seen is “Monstropolis’ Most Wanted,” Mike drops this line out of irritation and leaves everyone in stitches. 

The entire scene this comes from is a familiar riffing match that best friends of all ages know and will agree with. Good friends know how to poke fun at each other, and nothing is funnier than seeing one friend deliver a stunning comeback.

I get the feeling Mike delivers these kinds of lines more often than Sulley, though.

“Sully, you’re not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it. Now put that thing back where it came from or so help me . . .!”

There’s not a Disney fan alive who doesn’t know this moment by heart. 

Mike was against Sully growing attached to Boo from the start, preferring to wash his hands and be done with the whole matter instead of dragging her around and attracting more attention to themselves. 

When Mike gets another kid’s door and Sulley says it’s not Boo’s door, he delivers these lines and reminds us again why he’s responsible – and gives us flashbacks of every time our own mothers told us to not bring home a stray animal we named on the street.

The greatest part of this line, however, is how it leads to one of the best moments of the film thanks to Billy Crystal’s ad-libbing skills. 

“Hey, hey, hey, wait a second. Don’t listen to him! We just, need to keep trying!”

After he catches Roar Omega Roar selling merchandise plastered with the Oozma Kappa fraternity’s faces on it – and righteously tells them to stop – Mikey follows his frat brothers and calls this line out. He isn’t just comforting his fellow members; he’s encouraging them. 

He knows they can’t give up while they’re ahead, and he’s seen what the monsters are capable of. They share a desire to be scarers, and Mike knows they can do it. His dogged persistence in the face of prejudice is admirable, and his pep talk gives him the idea to show the others what is waiting for them if they succeed. 

While I’m not okay with breaking and entering, I’m okay with it in cartoons because 1) it’s not real, 2) it was done with a genuine intent to steal nothing and only catch a glimpse of a world beyond their own, and 3) they got away thanks to a metal-loving mama bear and her tiny car.

“I wasn’t scared, I have allergies.”

Dealing with awful coworkers is something everyone goes through. The next time you find yourself being messed with or picked on by someone like that, take a page from Mikey’s book and sneeze it off. 

Randall Boggs, coworker, and rival of the duo, materializes in front of Mike’s locker. He is thrown back and startled, but retorts with this line, dismissing Randall’s haughty attitude and saving face. A masterful shutdown.

Honestly, I should use this one sometime.

“Monsters like you have everything! You don’t have to be good! You can mess up over and over again, and the whole world loves you!”

This one really hit home.

After getting stuck in the human world in “Monster University,” Mike drops this devastating line while venting his frustration at Sulley. He lets out every little piece of anger and inner turmoil he’s felt since his journey at college started. Sulley messing with his scream score in the Scare Games and his failure at scaring the human campers made him face a harsh reality. 

No matter how hard he wants, tries, or practices, he’s just not as threatening or scary as Sulley or the other larger monsters in the Scare Program. He had to claw his way to the top in the class, help others do the same, but still felt outshined by a monster who could scare someone without trying. Mike worked hard to get where he was, but it didn’t give him what he wanted or needed.

Wish I could have given him a hug when he said this.

“You know only someone with great comedic timing could produce this much energy in one shot.”

Can we give a standing ovation to how funny Mike Wazowski is?

After discovering laughter is a better energy source than screams, Mike and Sulley redo the entire system of Monsters, Inc. to bring in more energy and less scares. Monsters start to bring in laughs, and Mike is immediately allowed on the floor to rake them in.

He fills his laughter quota in one shot, proving his worth and comedic chops. His sense of pride in his work comes with a comedic twist, which is incredibly refreshing.

Of course, if you think you can do what Mikey did, then you can try your own hand at making someone laugh on the Scare – I mean, Laugh Floor.

“Okay, first of all, it’s “cree-tin.” If you’re gonna threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you’re nuts if you think kidnapping ME is gonna help YOU cheat your way to the top.”

Personally, I see this as one of the best Mike Wazowski quotes between the films and TV series. It takes either immense courage or stupidity to grammatically correct your captors while defying them.

Mike just nonchalantly drops this line after Randall and Fungus see they nabbed him instead of Boo, and the air of evil superiority they had is just destroyed by a one-eyed monster with a wise-cracking mouth. 

Mikey’s ability to stay steadfast in the face of danger is incredible, even if he didn’t quite get why Randall wanted Boo so badly. Makes me wonder if Mike operates solely on bravery or comedic intent.

Eh, maybe the latter. 

“I’m your best friend. Don’t I matter?”

Never say a Disney movie is supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows. 

During “Monsters, Inc.,” Mike and Sulley are banished by Waternoose for their involvement with Boo and Randall, leaving them stranded in the Himalayas with the Abominable Snowman, (who is not as abominable as people think). As Sulley digs for sledding equipment to reach a village near the bottom of the mountains, Mike is enraged over everything that’s happened and confronts Sulley. 

This is a rare argument where both sides are valid: Sulley is concerned about Boo’s safety with Waternoose and Randall while Mike is more concerned about their family, friends, and lives they’ve been cast from thanks to their involvement. Like it or not, they’re weighing their lives with Boo’s, and Sulley is the first one to take a dive to save her. 

Mikey is left behind and denounces Sulley as his friend, thinking he means nothing to his best friend. However, he does look back remorsefully. It isn’t until later in the film he talks to Sulley again and acknowledges both sides are right and admits he can be completely short-sighted for a walking eyeball. 

“We’d like you to stop making us look like fools.”

Maybe I was right about Mike being brave first and asking questions later.

When Mike sees ROR selling merchandise of the humiliated OK fraternity from a party the prior night, he wastes no time confronting the people manning the table. He tells them outright to stop what they’re doing and leaves them with this line. The mere thought of someone else profiting off the humiliation of him and his friends ignites a fire in Mike. He gets right to the point and is ready to turn it into a fight if necessary.

Wish we all had a friend half as awesome as Mike! 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes. You know what? Let’s watch my favorite part, again, shall we?”

Everything about this quote and this moment from “Monsters, Inc.” is utterly phenomenal. 

After Waternoose and Sulley’s confrontation, right when we think Waternoose is going to win, the child in the bed is revealed to be a dummy. The walls of the room open, and the audience immediately sees Mike sitting smugly in the observation chair of the simulation chamber, surrounded by agents of the CDA.

The level of confidence and delight Mikey exudes as he delivers this line is unparalleled, and the catharsis factor reaches 10 as he turns the dial and shows the very moment Waternoose messed up.

After everything Mike had been through in the movie – his fractured and repaired relationships with Sulley and Celia, his involvement with Boo – there was no one better to be placed in that seat than our favorite plucky little eyeball.

“Dodgeball was the best, oh yeah. I was the fastest one out there. Of course, I was the ball.”

I could never do stand up. I have too much anxiety to stand on stage for five seconds in front of a crowd, let alone 5 minutes. But here comes this green dream demon, mike in hand, performing a stand-up comedy routine for a young boy like he’s Gabriel Iglesias.

He delivers a comedic routine that drops several funny lines, taking pages from the real-life Billy Crystal’s comedy skits, and hits himself where it hurts. He knows good comedy comes from a place of vulnerability, and that it’s okay to laugh at yourself every now and again.

Mike goes on to instill this lesson in his own comedic class in “Monsters at Work”, proving again how versatile Mike can be. He wants others to unlock their inner funny and reach his level of talent. His confidence in his own comedic talent with his students, however, proves he still has a long way to go before he can really prove his merit. 

“I’m trying to be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship.”

Mike’s confrontation with Sulley is both heartfelt and ill-timed, as it comes hot on the heels of Sulley trying to save Boo from Randall and Waternoose. Sulley’s invisible struggle with Randall becomes a background gag as Mike pours his heart out. 

He admits that while what he wanted and what Sulley wanted was different, that didn’t change anything about their friendship. Despite everything, he still was Sulley’s friend, and he valued that more than anything.

He swallowed his pride and negativity to give his friend a shoulder and help him get Boo home. 

And threw a snowball at the right time to stop Randall from strangling Sulley. Good aim. 

“Come on, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure we put the company in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that’ll come after us when there’s no more power . . . But hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?”

After the main conflict and villains of “Monsters, Inc” are overcome, the audience is treated to a scene that shows the aftermath of Waternoose and Randall’s arrests. People are leaving Monsters, Inc., mumbling how they’re possibly out of jobs, and Mikey is trying to cheer up Sulley. 

Key word: trying. 

Mike does remind Sully of how they helped Boo get back home, but inadvertently reminds him of the implications their meddling caused: Waternoose’s exposure and arrest caused the company to close, which will cause unemployment, energy constraints, and an angry mob aiming for their necks. You can tell Mike is also realizing this all for the first time, but still tries to put a positive spin on everything for his friend’s sake – and his own. 

Laughter really is a good element in friendship, isn’t it?

“I can’t believe it . . . I was on TV!”

It’s for moments like this that I really love Mikey. 

He doesn’t care that his face was cut off by the Monsters, Inc. logo. He doesn’t turn into a complete diva the moment his small role in the company commercial is over. He is just excited that he was on TV and rolls with it! It’s hilarious and heartwarming, and sets up his confidence, his comedic talents, his grandiose personality – everything about him.

It was so funny it was recycled at the film’s conclusion and in “Monsters University”, which works just as well there as it did here.

And me? 

I know what I’ll say when I finally get on TV myself.

This article was written by Kaylee and edited by Michael.

Michael has been visiting Disney World since he was a kid. He's also been to Disneyland and sailed on the Disney Dream. Michael is the owner and editor of Countdown to Magic.

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