15 Best Dr. Doofenshmirtz Quotes You Will Love

Here are the best Best Dr. Doofenshmirtz quotes!

He’s diabolical, he’s silly, he’s got a vaguely German accent, he THINKS he’s evil, and he’s definitely not a pharmacist. We’re obviously talking about none other than Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Disney Channel’s longest-running series, Phineas and Ferb.   So let’s have some fun today and count down the best Dr. Doofenshmirtz quotes of all time.

The Best Dr. Doofenshmirtz Quotes

1. A platypus? (Agent P puts on his fedora) PERRY the Platypus!? (Multiple Episodes)

This is one of the most famous running gags from the series’ run.  It’s well known that Doofenshmirtz does not recognize his nemesis until he puts on his hat. It’s one of the first indicators we see of Doof’s inadequacy as an evil villain starting in the fourth episode ever. 

And yet the joke continues to heighten throughout the series (such as the character of Candace putting on a fedora and Doof going “PERRY the teenage girl!?”). 

The gag has been embraced not only by the fandom, but by series creator and the voice of Doofenshmirtz himself, Dan Povenmire, often reprising the joke on his TikTok account!

2. It all began on the day of my actual birth, both of my parents failed to show up. (“Raging Bully” S1E6)

You can’t talk about Doofenshmirtz without mentioning his tragic backstories growing up as a small boy in Gimmelshtump. While tales of being raised by ocelots, working as a lawn gnome, and losing his childhood balloon best friend (Balloony!) are all up there as some of the most memorable, it’s his very first tragic backstory that tops them all- the one on his actual birthday. Neither one his own parents even showed up! 

This childhood scar would thus begin a string of further backstories that make Doof feel like he has no choice but to turn to evil the older he gets (even though we all know that he’s really a good guy).

3. Like a lazy tailor would say, suit yourself! (“I, Brobot” S1E8)

Phineas and Ferb is known for its meta jokes, historical and pop culture references, and for never dumbing down its humor to its audience. And sometimes, there’s the just good old fashioned pun thrown in. A lot of these puns come from Doof, including this one from season one that has always been a personal favorite of mine.

4. For generations, philosophers have asked, ‘If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?’ The answer – by the way, OBVIOUSLY – is of course it does! I mean, duh, right? Philosophers… Get a job, thinky-boy! (“My Fair Goalie” S3E20)

Doofenshmirtz just single-handedly took down philosophers with one quote, thus earning his place as one of the greatest minds of our lifetime. Or, maybe he’s just a middle-aged lunatic ranting about whatever inconvenience is on his mind that day. Who’s to say? Read this quote and you can be the judge of that.

5. SHE’S SIXTEEN! (“Vanessasary Roughness” S2E22)

One of Doofenshmirtz’s best qualities is that despite his terrible childhood, he is an incredible father to his daughter, Vanessa. Even though she is often embarrassed by his antics and overprotective nature, he takes his role as her father very seriously and will go as far as yelling at a man who catcalls her…and then blasting him into another dimension with his helmet. 

The relationship between the goth, reclusive teenage daughter and her sweet, goofy, dead-set-on-Tri-State-Area-domination father is one for the ages and one that only gets better as the series goes on. One thing you can always count on is Doof going out of his way to protect his daughter.

6. Oh, I hate Christmas. Yes, I hate Christmas! Woohoo! This is the best Christmas ever! (“Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation!” S237)

As I’ve mentioned before, Doofenshmirtz is secretly in his heart a good guy, but he still feels this obligation to be evil due to his childhood- even though he still has a little bit of that innocent child still in him. Thus, when he tries to think of a plan to ruin Christmas for everyone in Danville, he just can’t bring himself to do it…because he really doesn’t hate Christmas! 

Luckily, following a string of bad luck throughout the standout episode Phineas and Ferb: Christmas Vacation (my personal favorite episode of the series), he finally gets what he wanted for Christmas: a reason to hate Christmas! Merry Christmas, Doof!

7. Wow, if I had a nickel for every time I was doomed by a puppet, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice, right? (Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension)

Anotherline of Doofenshmirtz’s that has become a popular internet meme, I’ve heard this joke so many times amongst my friends that anytime I hear someone say “If they had a nickel for…” I expect the number to be two! 

For context, in the Disney Channel Original Movie Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension, an alternate-dimension-version of Doofenshmirtz (who is actually successful at taking over the Tri-State Area) curses 1st dimension Doof…with a sock puppet. 

While it’s never explicitly stated in the series when the first time he was cursed by a puppet was, I believe it is hinted at in a random joke in a later episode when his ex-wife, Charlene, reminds Doofenshmirtz that she left him because of his sock puppet, Mr. Tomato. Coincidence? Maybe. Or more likely, his first time being doomed by a puppet was with divorce papers.

Either way, this line is a classic example of Doof subverting your expectations at the last minute and casually commenting on the absurdity of the situation- similar to our #4 quote. He’s right, though! Getting cursed by a puppet twice? That is weird!

8. Secretly, I’m very lonely…Where’d THAT come from? (“Let’s Bounce” S3E38)

Doof’s evil inventions, or as he calls them, his “-Inators,” often backfire on the man himself- including his infamous Tell-The-Truth-Inator. When the ray bounces off of a mirror, Doofenshmirtz is forced to drop this truth bomb…surprising even himself. And let me just say…same, bestie. Same.

9. Now you can kowtow to my cretological creation! It’s so corrupt… and cantankerous… and carnivorous… and uh, uh, low in calories and…c-c-c…couch… yeah, that’s all I’ve got. (“Night of the Living Gelatin” S2E6)

Doofenshmirtz is often very proud of his overly long evil monologues he delivers to his nemesis, Agent P (or maybe they’re just conversations with his silent foe). You can tell he’s excited for this alliterative sentence to keep going…only to realize it’s slowly going nowhere. 

If anything, this failed attempt at a literary device is symbolic of Doof’s ideas themselves- overpromising and underdelivering. Or maybe I’m analyzing this too much. Either way, we applaud his attempt!

10. I have just insulted the macaroni & cheese recipe of a whale! (“Perry Lays an Egg” S2E10)

Some of Doof’s plans involve taking over City Hall, hypnotizing an entire city, or reversing the rotation of the earth…and sometimes they involve insulting a whale who stole his ex-girlfriend.

Hey, they’re not all gonna be winners! You can check the above quote in this short video below:

11. Eating cereal looks like this ♪ (“Monster from Id” S3E33)

Talk about a one-off joke! Agent P bursts into his door, sees Doofenshmirtz singing this three-second jingle while eating cereal in front of multiple webcams in his pajamas- only to immediately throw away the bowl and shut off the cameras when he sees his nemesis. 

No, I don’t know the context for Doof’s breakfast-eating web show. Yes, I would watch every episode of Doof’s breakfast-eating web show.

12. Why do we always see cow skulls in the desert? And why do you only see the skull? Did the body die somewhere else? It makes no sense. … Now, why do we always have to meet in drafty abandoned warehouses? I mean, why can’t we meet in a drafty abandoned poolside cabana?

I’m putting both of these quotes together because they both are the kind of meta-humor jokes that made Phineas and Ferb the show that it was. The show would often satirize or make reference to the fact that it was, in fact, a television show, and most of these lines came from characters such as Buford, Major Monogram, and yes, Doofenshmirtz.

In both lines, Doof is not only complaining about his current situation, as Doof is often known to do, but he’s also commenting on some of the common tropes and cliches you see in movies and other media (such as cow skulls in the desert or drafty warehouses for evil villain meetings). Thus, both of these quotes earn their place among the best Dr. Doofenshmirtz quotes in the series.

While Doofenshmirtz may be a bit of a clueless individual, he sometimes acts as the audience surrogate, as is the case here. He’s just saying what we’re all thinking!

13. So, that means you’re a little evil! 

Doofenshmirtz’s pride in his daughter Vanessa shines through whenever he talks about her, and while Vanessa may be hesitant to show it, she does love her dad and enjoys making him proud. 

Such is the case when she helps Doof escape from imminent arrest from OWCA by wielding a hair dryer as a gun, fooling the good guys. Doof tells her he’s proud of her for being a little evil, and when Vanessa agrees, he does what any proud father would do- he starts crying!

This scene between Doof and Vanessa was one of many Phineas and Ferb scenes that was adapted into the full-length fan-made parody musical, Musical Without a Cool Acronym.

The musical, directed and produced by Andrew Grabowski, united actors, musicians, and video editors working all around the world during the COVID-19 pandemic. Creating a full-blown Broadway style musical for YouTube, the show was well-received by the fandom, as well as the cast creative team of the original series–including series creators Dan Povenmire and Jeff “Swampy” Marsh, who make cameo appearances!

If you watch the show, you may even see me playing one of the titular brothers.

Shameless plug aside, the reason why I mention MWCA is because the show is a love letter to the original series, and every important character relationship gets a defining moment in the musical’s final act, including the beautiful father-daughter relationship of Doof and Vanessa and this subsequent beautiful scene.

14. A good guy? Me? I can be… Well, I guess I could. I-I could be a do-gooder, doing good! Just for the sake of… doing good, or, er, what exactly do good guys do?

In the final episode of the series, Doofenshmirtz finally sees the light and discovers what we’ve known all along: he’s a good guy in his heart! Vanessa explains to him that his evil plans come from his backstories but don’t feel like things he actually wants to do, and Doof realizes that being good is what’s truly meant for him.

Of course, since he’s a Doof, he doesn’t necessarily know what to do as a good guy. After all, he’s out of practice with it! It’s gonna take him a while to figure it out, but the excitement and smile he has on his face when discovering he can be good gives the character and his open-ended story some hope. Besides, he may even use his newfound “good-guy” status to invent time travel.

Check out the clip for this quote below:

15. Curse you, Perry the Platypus!! (Practically Every Episode)

And of course, we end our list with his most well-known catchphrase. Despite his love for Vanessa, it is his love-hate/frenemy relationship with his nemesis, Perry the Platypus, that is the most important relationship in the show. 

The two try to thwart each other every day, but you can tell underneath that they love seeing each other throughout the day and treat their subsequent fights and battles like they’re work buddies. 

They may be nemeses, but they’re also friends who play this same game every day- and the game isn’t over until Perry has thwarted Doof once again and he yells out “Curse you, Perry the Platypus!” 

This article was written by Zach and edited by Michael.

Michael has been visiting Disney World since he was a kid. He's also been to Disneyland and sailed on the Disney Dream. Michael is the owner and editor of Countdown to Magic.

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